N more things likely to be overheard if you
had a Klingon on your software development team
by Steve Baker
- "I have challenged the entire ISO-9000 review
team to a round of Bat-Leth practice on the
holodeck. They will not concern us again."
- "C++? That is for children. A Klingon Warrior
uses only machine code, keyed in on the front
panel switches in raw binary."
- "Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Bugs are good
for building character in the user."
- "Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs
are always on the offense. Yes, Offensive programming
is what we do best."
- "Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that,
you need a Farengi programmer."
- "Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing".
When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the
scheduler in hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine."
- "Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have
'arguments' - and they ALWAYS WIN THEM."
- "You humans call this thing a 'cursor' and you
move it with 'mouse'! Bah! A Klingon would not use such
a device. We have a Karaghht-Gnot - which is best
translated as "An Aiming Daggar of 16x16 pixels" and
we move it using a Gshnarrrf which is a creature from
the Klingon homeworld which posesses just one,
(disproportionately large) testicle...which it rubs along
the ground.....uh do we really need to talk about this?"
- "I am without honor...my children are without honor...
My father coded at the Battle of Kittimer...and...and...he...
HE ALLOWED HIMSELF TO BE MICROMANAGED." <shudder>
- "Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software
'escapes'. Typically leaving a trail of wounded programmers
in it's wake."
- "Microsoft is actually a secret Farengi-Klingon alliance
designed to cripple the Federation. The Farengi are doing
the marketing and the Klingons are writing the code."
- "Klingons do not believe in indentation - except perhaps in
the skulls of their program managers."
- "You can't truly appreciate Dilbert unless you read it
in the original Klingon."